Sorry I’ve been out of touch lately. I’ve been too busy pouting. My mom left me for a couple of weeks so I’ve had to devote all my time to moping around the house and making her feel guilty. Moping and pouting can be a full-time job for a hound dog. I just haven’t had time for anything else. I must say it works. She’s been spending more time with us lately and we’ve even gone to the park a couple of times.
So let me tell you how it works. First I pout. When she first comes home, I turn away from her hugs and kisses. I act like I’m mad at her. I give her the evil eye and avoid her. I mean, what was thinking?! Why did she do that to me?! How could she just run off and leave me?! I want nothing to do with her.
Then after a day of that, I start to mope. I give her the big sad brown eyes and the “whoa is me” look. I wander around the house, sighing heavily and act oh so sad. My anger now shifts to anguish. Why, oh why, did she leave me for so long? Did I do something wrong? Doesn’t she love me anymore? Doesn’t she know how much I love and need her?
This is when her guilt starts to set in. She is now putty in my hands. She feels oh so sorry for leaving me and wants to make up for it. This is when I go in for the kill. This is when I get the new bed, the fancy new collar or even those special expensive treats.
See how easily humans are manipulated? All you hounds out there know I’m really not mad when my mom leaves me. I mean I miss her when she’s gone but I’m hardly suffering while she’s away. I’m well-fed. I have a nice warm bed to sleep in, and kind, loving people taking care of me. So I’m really not mad at my mom when she comes home. I’m actually very excited to see her, but I can’t let her know that. What would be the fun in that?
So next time you want something, try the pout and mope method. It works really well. Now I know in my heart of hearts taking advantage of the guilt is wrong but sometimes, a hound’s got to do what hounds got to do.
This blog is my musings and observations about love, life and the stupid things people do. I'm happy to impart my years of wisdom on, to people and hounds alike.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
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Allow me to introduce myself
My name is Abigail, although personally I prefer Princess Abby. I live, make that rule, a household in Los Angeles. I have a big backyard to play in, a couch to sleep on, and lots of love.
I'm on my 3rd, yes 3rd, male companion. My first bud was Sherlock and he taught me everything. I was just six weeks old when I met him. He was five, so he knew everything. He took me under his wing and looked after me until the day he died. He died a week before his 13th birthday. That was almost 5 years ago and I still miss him. He was a special dude and for 8 years, we spent every minute of every day together. I was really lonely after I lost my best bud. So mom decided I needed another friend. In walks Brutus. Now Brutus was nothing like Sherlock. He'd had a really rough life but he didn't want to share what he knew of the world. He said his past was just too ugly and he wanted to forget it. He was just grateful to have nice place to sleep and people who loved him. He followed my mom around everywhere. He would never let her out of his sight. At first I was a little jealous, well a lot jealous. But then I realized he didn't grow up getting the kind of love and attention that I did, so I let him have the spotlight.
I wound up learning a lot from him. I learned how to be grateful for the things I had. I'd grown up having it all so I didn't really appreciate anything. Brutus however was grateful for everything. I learned that the more love I give, the more I get back in return. He was a very special friend but unfortunately he got really sick and our time together was cut short.
My heart ached after Brutus was gone. What was wrong with me that my two best buds had to leave me? As I sat feeling sorry for myself, mom pulled up in the Jeep and out jumped Chadwick.
Now let me tell you about Chadwick. Chadwick walked in like he owned the place. He walked around like he was royalty or something. I don't know who he thought he was, but I quickly put him in his place. I established myself as the alpha dog in this household. He challenged me at first, but he finally acquiesced. Now Chadwick is a pain in my ass. I mean that literally. You see he's blind. I don't just mean he can't see well, the dog has no eyes. It's kind of freaky if you ask me. It is kind of funny though to watch him bump into things. He gets around by his sense of smell. Now let me translate that for you. It means he walks around with his snout stuck up my butt! Now you may laugh and you may think it's cute, but let me tell you, it's annoying as hell! I'll admit, he's quite a looker but boy does he bug. He gets on my nerves to no end.
So the reason I tell you all this is so that you'll realize how much experience I have with love, with friendship, with life. I know I'm not getting any younger and I realize that after twelve years in this crazy world it's time I do something to give back. So I've decided my legacy will be to pass on my hound wisdom to all who are willing to listen. So please read my ramblings, my rants, my observations. You just might learn something.